Stonewalling

The person doing stonewalling may be aware or unaware that this is taking place, because of an increase in adrenaline due to an increase in stress, where the person can either engage or flee the situation. Stonewalling - definition of stonewalling by The Free Dictionary. Often, stonewalling can come from good intentions. The stonewaller is trying not to make anything worse, even though their behavior sends the unintended message of disapproval and emotional distance.

The purpose of stonewalling is to self-soothe because they are overwhelmed by negative emotions. It is the refusal to solve problems by non-communication or other strategies.

Usually, stonewalling and the silent treatment go hand in hand. After the victim has been stonewalle the other person is treated to a form of silence that is deafening. Yet the silent treatment can also occur without warning or stonewalling as well.

Rather than confronting the issue, someone who is stonewalling will be totally unresponsive. Gottman defines stonewalling as “when a listener withdraws from an interaction” by getting quiet or shutting down, she said. I describe stonewalling to clients as when one person turns into a stone wall, refusing to interact, engage, communicate or participate.

Much like what you’d expect from a stone if you were talking to it! Which brings us to the term “ stonewalling ’. What is stonewalling ?

It’s the same as the silent treatment, but if it’s used by a toxic person, then it’s called stonewalling. The slight, but at the same time huge, difference is that the person who is stonewalling you is giving you the silent treatment on purpose. The person retreating is generally overwhelmed and starts shutting down as a way of self-soothing and calming themselves down. While it’s normal to occasionally use the silent treatment as a coping mechanism, it’s a red flag when the behavior turns chronic. While stonewalling may occasionally be used as a defense or coping mechanism in healthy relationships, it has hurtful consequences when it is chronically used as an abuse tactic by toxic partners.

Why do we ‘stonewall’ in relationships? It can be like a passive-aggressive game: we sometimes do it because we feel our partners should already know what’s wrong, especially if it’s something they’ve done. A sense of hopelessness about the relationship sets in, and that’s the death of the relationship.

When stonewalling becomes the norm, the couple loses the ability to talk and solve problems. Even if you know how to define stonewalling , it may not seem like a big deal to you, but stonewalling is one of the most destructive habits in a relationship. In fact, when partners rely on stonewalling to deal with relationship problems, it usually signals an impending breakup. On the other han if you intend to deal with stonewalling in your relationship, you need to understand the effect it has on you. Many a time, stonewalling puts the victim in self-doubt, making him wonder what went wrong, making him question his actions, and thus pushing in a venomous blame-game within themselves.

Taking time out from your partner to collect your thoughts and reflect is different from seeking to end or avoid discussion of the issue. In the long run stonewalling is nothing more than a mechanism to drive your partner away. Although the stonewalling of a partner can ruin the strongest of relationships, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Take the first step to fulfilling, healthy relationships today. That is because someone on the receiving side of stone-walling still has options to end the relationship, or get needs met elsewhere. For exceptional stonewalling and landscaping services, turn to our professionals.